Deliverance

Being 37 weeks pregnant means I've had a lot of people touching my belly. And to be quite frank, it hasn't bothered me at all. Friends do it, ward members, family, my students...and it doesn't bug me. When I see pregnant belly (well, before being pregnant) I want to rub it. I think it's human nature. So it hasn't bugged me...until my strange neighbor stopped me and started REALLY rubbing my belly. Usually, people ask to rub, then just rub it a little in the middle for a second or two and leave smiling. This lady rubbed ALL OVER and wouldn't stop til I backed away. And she didn't ask. Sorta strange.

But not as strange as the interaction I had with her EVEN MORE odd husband this afternoon. I rarely see him. He is a short, stubby, 60-something guy that is usually holed up smoking various things in his apartment. In fact, the only times I'd seen him before was smoking on his balcony staring at people and walking his dog at 3:00am.

Today, he asked how the pregnancy was going. He also offered to deliver the baby. Yes. Deliver the baby.

Joys of Teaching

Strangely enough, I've actually really been enjoying my last several weeks of teaching before baby Eleanor finally arrives. Well, everything but the constant smell of pot coming from the kids in my morning class. With pregnancy hormones further fine-tuning my already keen sense of smell, I can basically tell people what they had for breakfast with 98% accuracy. The last 3 weeks have been obnoxious as nearly every morning, someone comes in reeking of reefer. Instead of doing what I wanted (call out the entire class and shame them endlessly for forcing such foulness on a pregnant woman, I instead pulled aside the likely culprits. Yes culprits. There are multiple students who would rather wake up early and get high than sleep in 15 more minutes. I really don't get that. Well, the smell got better, and even had 2 days in a row without pot smell. But then came yesterday. Schmelly central.

Near the end of class, I mentioned that I only had 2 weeks left and in the general moans, students expressed a desire to put on a baby shower for me. I saw an opportunity and took it.

"What would you get my baby?" I asked, perplexed. "She can't smoke pot."

The class gasped unanimously.

"Oh, you guys think I can't smell it on you everyday? Seriously guys," I said pointing to my nose, "this thing smells everything."

I then starred directly, one at a time, at about 4 students who all shrunk before me.

"Guys, I'm pregnant. Really, I'm not going to preach to you about screwing up your lives, but please don't disrespect me and make me and my baby breathe in that stuff. I love you guys, but really? Come on."

Class=Chastened

A few students hung back after class to give personal apologies. I don't think they had realized they carry the smell with them. Hopefully, my last 2 weeks brings cleaner air. Here's to hoping...

I really do love them, though. And I will miss them. I will miss teaching in the classroom (looks like I'll be teaching online post-baby). I will miss getting my kids who've always hated school riveted with The French Revolution, The Civil War, and Magna Carta. Yeah, Magna Carta. I know. Weird, right? I will miss starting debate on whether the A-bomb should have been dropped on Hiroshima and students on both sides of the aisle getting fired up.

I will miss thug guys coming in to my class at 20 years old, 3 high school credits and forcing them to wear sparkly stickers that say "good job!" on them when they do well on assignments and then threatening them if they don't keep it on all day long.

I'll miss seeing those same thugs not only getting the first "A" in their life, but having the highest grade in my class because they suddenly realized that they actually could. I will miss seeing kids turn their lives around.

Sure my kids look like this:

And not this:

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I thought that I'd be ready to kill students my last weeks teaching, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I'm uncomfortable. And tired. And I have to pee ALL THE TIME. But it's like I'm trying to cram in everything I'm going to miss. I'm even adding to my curriculum this next week (I have 2 weeks left officially). I'm showing them Manchurian Candidate (the original one with Sinatra and Lansbury) after our extensive study of the Cold War. I have pretty bright students and I finally feel that I have a class whose minds will be blown entirely by this film. I love blowing minds. But I'd rather blow them with Manchurian Candidate than by telling them that "New England" is not it's own country, but actually part of the US (True story. Sad story. Needless to say, I incorporated map activities and quizzes into my curriculum after that day). Anyways, so excited about introducing them not only to a brilliant movie, but also Angela Lansbury, the embodiment of fabulous.

I guess I feel like I've really got this stuff (teaching history to low-SES, high risk teens) down and suddenly I'm going to be devoting my life to doing something about which I AM CLUELESS minus all the books I've been reading about infant care. That wobbly head thing still scares me. I'm told that "holding a baby is natural" but it still freaks me out a bit. And diaper blow-outs? I can't even wrap my head around that.

3d Ultrasound

I always vowed that I would not be one who just blogs about my kids and puts up pictures of my kids and talks about how cute and wonderful my kids are. But considering I'm not even a parent yet and what follows, I'm off to a really bad start.

I just had a 3d ultrasound and I have to say, despite not entirely clear images, I am convinced my child is going to be so stinking adorable. I'll admit, I was nervous that my kid might end up funny looking. I mean, we've all seen newborns that look more alien than gerber baby. But my 30 week old babe is so downright gorgeous. I know. Biased. But look at her chubby cheeks (which will no doubt plump up further) and her button nose! I also think she has James' gorgeous plump lips. If she gets his blue eyes, forget about it. She'll kill me with cuteness.

Here she is sucking her thumb with her other fingers spread across her face. I'm praying this means her sucking instinct is fabulous and that she'll be a good latcher AND also a self-soother.

While we're on the subject, how weird is that that we can see facial features before our babies are even born? Do you think it's cheating? James sort of does. And I get that. But frankly, it warms my heart to unreal degrees to see the little thing that's been kicking my ribs incessantly and giving he crazy acid reflux 24/7. It makes all those uncomfortable things so worth it and makes me not so freaked out about childbirth (and there is plenty to freak out about--google is not your friend when you're pregnant) because I'll get to meet her.

29 weeks

While I try and avoid putting up pictures that make me look like a beached whale, I have to say that being pregnant makes it IMPOSSIBLE to put up pictures at all with such limitations. So for all who'd like to see me preggo, here goes:

Yeah, those would be my ONLY pair of maternity pants. I thought I'd get away with doing stuff like this:

And I did for a while until I stretched the hair ties to the limit and felt like my pants were about to cut me in half. I then pretty much relied on dresses and skirts until it actually FINALLY got cold here. Then I was stuck wearing running tights underneath my dresses. I've become really cheap and the thought of buying any more maternity clothes does not make me happy. But I am really getting sick of wearing the same things. But I broke down and bought a pair of pants. It's been HEAVEN. I wonder why I waited. That big ol' elastic band is nothing short of miraculous.

Here's a close up of the belly. The stripes aren't doing anything for me, I know. When I wear this shirt my students always say it makes them hungry for peppermint.

Highlights

This last week has been great for a number of reasons.

REASON #1: WE STARTED CHRISTMAS

I know, it's a little early. But why put a time limit on joy and happiness? It's been months of negotiation to work out November as the legal time frame to begin Christmas celebration. I was shooting for October, but James shot that down pretty quickly. Halloween apparently deserves the whole month. [eye roll]

While he did bend quite a bit for November, he's since really come around as the sound of Christmas music in the air just makes one merry. Our tree is up and decorated, and we have watch "Elf," "A Christmas Story," and the classic "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (cartoon version, OF COURSE). We're pretty happy people these days.

Yesterday evening, I listened to Christmas music on my run and it was PURE MAGIC. It was like running on sugar plums and dreams. I kept looking around the neighborhoods and expecting to see Christmas lights, but I'll still have to wait a few weeks. Not everyone feels as festive and I do.

REASON #2: IT'S FINALLY COLD HERE

I actually have to turn the car heater on in the morning on my work. The BEST. It's even been rainy this week, which is seriously magical. This summer was very painful. One of the hottest on record paired with crazy morning sickness = really unhappy and crazy Erin. I wanted to punch the brutal AZ sun in the face.

REASON #3: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS, I'M PROUD TO BE FROM AZ

Yesterday, citizens of AZ district 18 voted to oust the bigoted and corrupt politician, Russell Pearce. I can't go into all the reasons without having my blood pressure go through the roof, but here are a few resources if you want to know why he is bad news:

http://www.azcentral.com/video/1215608827001

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrHDlUNomLY

He made me sad.

REASON #4: I'M FEELING THE BABY KICK A LOT

Which is just super fun. And kind of weird, too. But more fun and reassuring than weird. I am a worrier by nature so it's really nice to have this constant reassurance that baby is there and doing well.

As a side note, this is the toughest guy I think I've ever heard of. He tells the story of what he just went through totally straight-faced, but then chokes up when he talks about how his predicament could have endangered someone else. What a stud.

End of an era

After more than 4 years, I've decided to leave facebook. I'd been contemplating the move for over 2 years after hearing a talk by Elder Bednar at a CES fireside, but it's taken a while for me to come around. One friend immediately left facebook after the talk, but I just wasn't ready to give it up. In fact, I thought she was insane. However, since that time, I've realized that it's time to say goodbye.

Maybe it's being pregnant and feeling the sense of change that's about to occur that has prompted me to move on and "re-fresh" things. I guess I just realized that facebook doesn't add to my life in any way. One thing that kept me from making this move was staying in touch with friends around the world I've collected over the years through university, the mission, and my internship in Israel. However, I realized that though we are facebook friends, we certainly are not "in touch" with one another. It's a false sense of closeness.

Here are some of my reasons, in no particular order:

1.) It is a complete waste of time (in my oh-so-humble-opinion). Okay, maybe it is appropriate that this in number 1 because even though I don't spend much time on facebook, every second that I do is a second that I can't get back and has added nothing to my life. That's the major issue for me--IT ADDS NOTHING TO MY LIFE.

2.) I don't care what [most] people ate for lunch/are going to do this weekend/think of Obama/want to happen at the game tonight. Unless that burrito was particularly delicious and you are bringing to my doorstep, call me calloused, but I don't really care. I don't need to know what crosses people's minds all day. I can barely register what is crossing my own all day. While knowing the minutuae of other peoples' lives may interest some, it adds nothing to my life or relationships. I also tire of what I perceive to be close-minded (sometimes uneducated) political rants. I don't see much fruitful political dialogue on facebook. It's either bashing or compatriot back-patting. The closemindedness that I see on facebook (from all political ideologies) actually frusterates me a great deal.

3.) For me, facebook is a communication catch-22. Because of the [lack of] privacy settings, I'm hesitant to post anything. I rarely post pictures anymore or post on people's walls, photos, etc because I don't want my business broadcast to everyone. But the whole purpose of facebook is to communicate and stay in touch, right? Instead, I feel like Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window, a voyeur watching the mundane lives of unsuspecting neighbors.

Now I admit that I have found it fun to look through people's photos and see what they are doing these days, however, it's a false sense of being "in touch." While I view happenings in friends lives, I am really no closer to them nor have I built my relationship with them. In this age of information overload, I feel that I am overloaded on people's lives without really being in their lives or having them part of mine.

4.) I've instead decided to focus on building relationships with people I am in touch with. I've decided to spend more time making phone calls, sending e-mails, and yes, blogging. I also plan on staying up with the blogs of people in my life. So expect lots and lots of posts. I'd rather have fewer real friends than 853 pseudo-friends.

Once I made the decision, I've actually been SUPER excited. It feels like rearranging my bedroom furniture or getting a brand-new hairstyle. I wont have my account officially deleted for a few days because I want to make sure I can get in touch with the handful of people who don't have my e-mail or blog info and who I would like to stay in touch with. Once I delete my page, every trace of my facebook presence will be erased. At least that's what facebook has said...

So stay tuned for regular posts!

I'll be fine when the weather cools off

I know, it's about time I posted. The problem is that once you've gone forever without posting, you feel the need to have something ultra important to say, or else it's not worth breaking the silence. And let's be honest, I rarely have anything important to say.

A lot has happened. Here is a basic update with several random thoughts and interjections:

I'm pregnant, which was hopefully obvious by the last post. I'm 22 weeks along, feeling good (though chubby).

Just a side note to people: Please be careful what you say to a pregnant woman. Saying "Oh, you don't look pregnant at all!" when they can no longer fit in any of their clothes and have found stretch marks on their belly is just saying "Oh, you always look fat!"

Also, do not comment on facebook photos from a pregnant girl's honeymoon about the "cute baby bump" that she has. It's not a baby bump. She was a year and a half from a baby bump. It was a fat bump or possibly a food bump.

Luckily, I have a very kind and loving husband who does a good job at soothing the blows people ignorantly pass out. He'll even turn around immediately after walking in the door from work to get me ice cream when the first words I say as he enters are "Baby needs Breyer's Mint Choco Chip." Maybe he's an enabler. But I call that a good husband.

I've continued running through my pregnancy which has been WONDERFUL. I had to wait till

the fires of hell stopped burning in AZ (i.e. AZ summer) to start back up in earnest, but now that the temperature is finally under 100 degrees, I try a run a few times a week. I go at a slow pace, but it feels so good to be running. I'm also running in the vibram 5-fingers which I highly recommend. I'll have to do a post on minimalist running soon. I'm really a fan. I think I've decided to run another marathon. Every time I run one, I tell myself that I will NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES succumb to the pull of the 26.2, but I think I might put aside that promise and go for it. I think I keep telling myself that maybe one day, they wont hurt like crazy. I'm probably fooling myself.

In any case, I need something to force me into really great shape post-baby. James already said he'd do a 10k with me next May. Then I'll do a half-marathon in the Fall (best distance ever) and go for a full enchilada early 2013. Maybe the Phoenix Rock'n Roll.

Anyone interested in doing a early 2013 marathon? Anyone? Bueller? I'm not opposed to some traveling.

This is the sexy maternity belt I wear while running to keep my paunch from bouncing around so much.

Maternity belt + 5-finger shoes = weirdest looking runner on the canal.

By the way, James has been miraculous through this whole pregnancy thing. He goes running with me. And he doesn't like running. Despite being fat and pregnant, I still beat him running and his ego takes it, no problem. While he does many things much better than I (e.g. cleaning, being nice, organizing, waking up early, keeping his cool under pressure), he has no problem when I do something better than him. Just yesterday, some speed walking ladies were giving him a hard time saying "Pick up the pace! Your wife an baby just smoked you!"

While the normal guy would feel bruised and either kill himself running just to beat you (because many men can't handle being beaten athletically by a girl), or never run with you ever again, he just responded with his big smile "I'm just here for moral support! She's the runner, not me!" I love that man.

Here he is before presenting some research from his doctorate at a conference in San Francisco. The glare on the picture is funny. I'm not photographically gifted. We can add that to the list of things he does better than me.

As for work, I'm still teaching at the alternative high school. So basically, my life is like Michelle Pfeiffer's in Dangerous Minds except I don't give them candy or teach them karate. I make them learn about history and to not talk when I talk. I also don't let them pee whenever they want because as far as I'm concerned, if I can hold it with a baby bouncing on my bladder, so can they. It's my second year there and I'll be finishing this year in February with my maternity leave. It's been a really wonderful growing experience and I know I've been able to do a lot of good, but I'm not sure I've got another year in me at this school. That kind of makes me feel like a failure, but I've got to be realistic.

It's been the most emotionally and physically draining, time-consuming, and intense thing I've ever attempted. You can't do this job without being ready to give give give. Your time is pretty much owned by the school--the administration (an inspired bunch--the school really is amazing) demands it. But frankly, after having a baby, I don't know that I'll be able to give that much anymore. I'm looking for something part-time and a bit more low-key after the baby. We'll see how things shake out. James is ready for me to be done at my school. Ever since my 3rd week there and some kid took out his rage in the form of $2000 a damage to my car, James has been concerned for my safety. I'd be lying if I said I was never concerned. I love the kids I teach, but most of them are heavily involved in drugs and I don't trust anyone's judgement and actions when under the influence. And at least half my kids are gang-affiliated. I hate gangs. I mean, nobody "likes" them, but it makes me livid to see what they do to these poor, bright, kids who feel like they don't have options.

So we'll see how things shake out for me. My baby will come first and I only want to do something part time. I'd love to get into non-profit work as a museum-school group liaison or something. We'll see. Open to suggestions.