Most disturbing thing I've heard in a while

I'm certain that these sort of conversations are not overheard at Neiman Marcus, but until the day that I can afford to even touch a catalog from that store, I will continue to experience such gems as this:

I'm standing in line at the Ross Dress For Less today, cart full of towels, a rug, shower curtain and other miscellaneous home stuff that I've managed to go years without owning thanks to very kind roommates and my knack for mooching. The lady in front of me is trying on the reading glasses that are sitting on the counter, temping the geriatric impulse buyers that seem to saturate my state. 

The woman was there with what must have been her daughter. They both shared either an unawareness of their size when getting dressed in their neon spaghetti straps and acid wash booty shorts or a deep desire to show off the square footage of their ample flesh. Whatever the case, the mother stood trying on reading glasses while the daughter was purchasing more of the aforementioned clothing. The piles on the check out counter suggested she thought a nuclear holocaust was impending and she would be prepared to ride out the storm always dressed and ready for a NASCAR event.   

"These 'uns here must be for people who don't see too good up close," the 40-something woman said removing a pair and grabbing for another brightly-colored pair of glasses. As she put those on she turned to her daughter.

"I can't see past the !$%* hood of my car when I drive, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna pay some crook to get some glasses."

The burly security guard waiting at the entrance a few feet away looked over at me. We exchanged frightened glances. 

I was mind boggled as I tried to decide what was more disturbing: the fact that she was basically driving blind or that she thought that glasses she bought at Ross were going to correct her vision issues. Yikes.

Getting Old

Things I've learned on my latest road trip:

1) Contrary to popular belief, I can actually drive long distance without a red bull. Not pretty, but possible.

2) Arizona is hot. I mean, we all know it's hot, but it's sick crazy hot here. Watching the temperature on my dashboard drop 50 degrees en route from Phoenix to Provo was not comforting considering we are only halfway into June.


3) Delvine Jackson is a husband stealer. There were many more things I learned about the people of Kanab, UT from reading what was written on the bathroom stalls of the local service station. However, while the other things were rather informative, this was the only revelation appropriate to make the list.



4) I can no longer finish an entire order of french toast from Magleby's Fresh, let alone get my money's worth from being all-you-can-eat. Sad sad day.


5) I am getting old. I am no longer a crazy college kid. I like going to bed early. I drink herbal tea and never ever drink soda. I am very concious of my fiber intake, I like NPR and have absolutely no idea why girls are wearing headbands like this: