End of an era

After more than 4 years, I've decided to leave facebook. I'd been contemplating the move for over 2 years after hearing a talk by Elder Bednar at a CES fireside, but it's taken a while for me to come around. One friend immediately left facebook after the talk, but I just wasn't ready to give it up. In fact, I thought she was insane. However, since that time, I've realized that it's time to say goodbye.

Maybe it's being pregnant and feeling the sense of change that's about to occur that has prompted me to move on and "re-fresh" things. I guess I just realized that facebook doesn't add to my life in any way. One thing that kept me from making this move was staying in touch with friends around the world I've collected over the years through university, the mission, and my internship in Israel. However, I realized that though we are facebook friends, we certainly are not "in touch" with one another. It's a false sense of closeness.

Here are some of my reasons, in no particular order:

1.) It is a complete waste of time (in my oh-so-humble-opinion). Okay, maybe it is appropriate that this in number 1 because even though I don't spend much time on facebook, every second that I do is a second that I can't get back and has added nothing to my life. That's the major issue for me--IT ADDS NOTHING TO MY LIFE.

2.) I don't care what [most] people ate for lunch/are going to do this weekend/think of Obama/want to happen at the game tonight. Unless that burrito was particularly delicious and you are bringing to my doorstep, call me calloused, but I don't really care. I don't need to know what crosses people's minds all day. I can barely register what is crossing my own all day. While knowing the minutuae of other peoples' lives may interest some, it adds nothing to my life or relationships. I also tire of what I perceive to be close-minded (sometimes uneducated) political rants. I don't see much fruitful political dialogue on facebook. It's either bashing or compatriot back-patting. The closemindedness that I see on facebook (from all political ideologies) actually frusterates me a great deal.

3.) For me, facebook is a communication catch-22. Because of the [lack of] privacy settings, I'm hesitant to post anything. I rarely post pictures anymore or post on people's walls, photos, etc because I don't want my business broadcast to everyone. But the whole purpose of facebook is to communicate and stay in touch, right? Instead, I feel like Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window, a voyeur watching the mundane lives of unsuspecting neighbors.

Now I admit that I have found it fun to look through people's photos and see what they are doing these days, however, it's a false sense of being "in touch." While I view happenings in friends lives, I am really no closer to them nor have I built my relationship with them. In this age of information overload, I feel that I am overloaded on people's lives without really being in their lives or having them part of mine.

4.) I've instead decided to focus on building relationships with people I am in touch with. I've decided to spend more time making phone calls, sending e-mails, and yes, blogging. I also plan on staying up with the blogs of people in my life. So expect lots and lots of posts. I'd rather have fewer real friends than 853 pseudo-friends.

Once I made the decision, I've actually been SUPER excited. It feels like rearranging my bedroom furniture or getting a brand-new hairstyle. I wont have my account officially deleted for a few days because I want to make sure I can get in touch with the handful of people who don't have my e-mail or blog info and who I would like to stay in touch with. Once I delete my page, every trace of my facebook presence will be erased. At least that's what facebook has said...

So stay tuned for regular posts!

I'll be fine when the weather cools off

I know, it's about time I posted. The problem is that once you've gone forever without posting, you feel the need to have something ultra important to say, or else it's not worth breaking the silence. And let's be honest, I rarely have anything important to say.

A lot has happened. Here is a basic update with several random thoughts and interjections:

I'm pregnant, which was hopefully obvious by the last post. I'm 22 weeks along, feeling good (though chubby).

Just a side note to people: Please be careful what you say to a pregnant woman. Saying "Oh, you don't look pregnant at all!" when they can no longer fit in any of their clothes and have found stretch marks on their belly is just saying "Oh, you always look fat!"

Also, do not comment on facebook photos from a pregnant girl's honeymoon about the "cute baby bump" that she has. It's not a baby bump. She was a year and a half from a baby bump. It was a fat bump or possibly a food bump.

Luckily, I have a very kind and loving husband who does a good job at soothing the blows people ignorantly pass out. He'll even turn around immediately after walking in the door from work to get me ice cream when the first words I say as he enters are "Baby needs Breyer's Mint Choco Chip." Maybe he's an enabler. But I call that a good husband.

I've continued running through my pregnancy which has been WONDERFUL. I had to wait till

the fires of hell stopped burning in AZ (i.e. AZ summer) to start back up in earnest, but now that the temperature is finally under 100 degrees, I try a run a few times a week. I go at a slow pace, but it feels so good to be running. I'm also running in the vibram 5-fingers which I highly recommend. I'll have to do a post on minimalist running soon. I'm really a fan. I think I've decided to run another marathon. Every time I run one, I tell myself that I will NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES succumb to the pull of the 26.2, but I think I might put aside that promise and go for it. I think I keep telling myself that maybe one day, they wont hurt like crazy. I'm probably fooling myself.

In any case, I need something to force me into really great shape post-baby. James already said he'd do a 10k with me next May. Then I'll do a half-marathon in the Fall (best distance ever) and go for a full enchilada early 2013. Maybe the Phoenix Rock'n Roll.

Anyone interested in doing a early 2013 marathon? Anyone? Bueller? I'm not opposed to some traveling.

This is the sexy maternity belt I wear while running to keep my paunch from bouncing around so much.

Maternity belt + 5-finger shoes = weirdest looking runner on the canal.

By the way, James has been miraculous through this whole pregnancy thing. He goes running with me. And he doesn't like running. Despite being fat and pregnant, I still beat him running and his ego takes it, no problem. While he does many things much better than I (e.g. cleaning, being nice, organizing, waking up early, keeping his cool under pressure), he has no problem when I do something better than him. Just yesterday, some speed walking ladies were giving him a hard time saying "Pick up the pace! Your wife an baby just smoked you!"

While the normal guy would feel bruised and either kill himself running just to beat you (because many men can't handle being beaten athletically by a girl), or never run with you ever again, he just responded with his big smile "I'm just here for moral support! She's the runner, not me!" I love that man.

Here he is before presenting some research from his doctorate at a conference in San Francisco. The glare on the picture is funny. I'm not photographically gifted. We can add that to the list of things he does better than me.

As for work, I'm still teaching at the alternative high school. So basically, my life is like Michelle Pfeiffer's in Dangerous Minds except I don't give them candy or teach them karate. I make them learn about history and to not talk when I talk. I also don't let them pee whenever they want because as far as I'm concerned, if I can hold it with a baby bouncing on my bladder, so can they. It's my second year there and I'll be finishing this year in February with my maternity leave. It's been a really wonderful growing experience and I know I've been able to do a lot of good, but I'm not sure I've got another year in me at this school. That kind of makes me feel like a failure, but I've got to be realistic.

It's been the most emotionally and physically draining, time-consuming, and intense thing I've ever attempted. You can't do this job without being ready to give give give. Your time is pretty much owned by the school--the administration (an inspired bunch--the school really is amazing) demands it. But frankly, after having a baby, I don't know that I'll be able to give that much anymore. I'm looking for something part-time and a bit more low-key after the baby. We'll see how things shake out. James is ready for me to be done at my school. Ever since my 3rd week there and some kid took out his rage in the form of $2000 a damage to my car, James has been concerned for my safety. I'd be lying if I said I was never concerned. I love the kids I teach, but most of them are heavily involved in drugs and I don't trust anyone's judgement and actions when under the influence. And at least half my kids are gang-affiliated. I hate gangs. I mean, nobody "likes" them, but it makes me livid to see what they do to these poor, bright, kids who feel like they don't have options.

So we'll see how things shake out for me. My baby will come first and I only want to do something part time. I'd love to get into non-profit work as a museum-school group liaison or something. We'll see. Open to suggestions.