Where I am and what I'm doing (and don't get excited and think it's anything cool--that chapter of my life is basically closed until further notice

It's about time I've updated the blogosphere as to what I'm doing these days. I've avoided it for a long while because, frankly, I didn't really have any answer other than "I'm in limbo, and yes, in the Catholic way."

Basically, when I graduated last August from university, my plans had all sort of gone down the drain. I had worked so hard and shmoozed my fair share (e.g. my entire internship at the US Embassy in Israel) and I had all my plans set only to suddenly feel awful about carrying out them out just days before graduation. It pretty much sucked.

Now, I'm sure you're just thinking it was nerves and that it was normal to have reservations about making such a huge step in my life, graduating university and moving to DC to work for an NGO and all that. You may be right, but nerves never made me feel as though I was making the biggest mistake of my life and that God was about ready to smite me from the heavens. In fact, I love adventure and I love change. I wanted to go to D.C. so badly--I wanted the fruition of that dream so badly-- but I knew that I was not supposed to go.

Unfortunately, my one track mind left me sans a "Plan B" so I went to the last place really on earth that I wanted to go and that was back home. To Mesa, AZ.

I wont go into detail, but I was basically dreading coming back. I dreaded seeing people, moving in with my parents, and most of all, I dreaded getting "sucked in" and changing who I am. I was assured by one friend who had taken a job and moved to Mesa after he graduated that I would "definitely not fit in."

So I came back, worked as a minion at the aerospace manufacturing company that my father used to own (he now is considered a "consultant, but he owns the buildings so nepotism still works) doing really boring stuff while I saved for a month-long European adventure (which I did Oct-Nov of last year) and re-grouped and started making plans to move to NYC, or Portland, or Seattle, or...anywhere really. I just knew I needed out and that I was merely in AZ on a pit stop to something much grander.

Well, I was basically lost and miserable and felt pretty much forsaken. Try as I did, I couldn't make plans that I felt good about. This lasted about 4 months and then I decided that I was going to move to D.C. anyways and that I was going to ignore that "want to vomit" feeling and just get on with my life.

And then it hit me. I came to me quite suddenly and forcefully and I knew what my calling in life was. I'm going to try as hard as I can to not sound cheesy and cliche, but what came to me really was cheesy and cliche. I need to be a teacher. A high school history teacher. A far cry from my dreams of law school, being a diplomat, living around the world, one day becoming Ambassador (I mean who wouldn't want to be called "her excellency?") but for the first time in A REALLY LONG TIME, I felt peace about what I was planning. I even felt so good about the masters program I was going to apply for at ASU that would give me both a masters and teaching certification.

So not only am I choosing a profession I thought was gender-stereotyped, cliche, and certainly not for me, I am staying in Arizona for the next few years. And guess what? I'm so happy. So so so happy. I have great friends and a really full life. And I have what I've missed so much this past year: peace of mind in knowing that what I am planning is what I am supposed to be doing.

I've taken a full-time permanent position as a planner at the aerospace company and have committed to work while I attend school. I have benefits (so I'm finally medically insured and can, as my dad says, and now get cancer), which I guess, is something I dreamed of. And I know where I'm going to be for a while.

I've opened myself up to so many things that I had before shunned like The Plague. Things like playing card games, watching football, buying furniture, and quitting swearing. It's great!

Anyways, I excited for the new plans. I am really excited about teaching and even going to ASU. I am REALLY excited about a masters.

But if I don't get into the program, I'd like to be able to say that my new perspective will allow me to go to a plan B or C, even, but I'll probably just give up completely and become one of those people that stalks movie stars.

Kevin Spacey. Definitely Kevin Spacey.